20. [GET IT]

Best date ever last night.

Not a sugar daddy, but a man who could give me everything my heart desires and more. I love my bf, but he is still so immature. He just doesn't do it for me sometimes. Most of the time. He's too needy for me. I need someone a little more independent.

So anyway, I met him on AM. Recently separated, wife found someone new, etc etc.
We meet at this really awesome little Italian place. SO delicious mmm. And swanky :)
Chemistry is INSANE. He invites me back for a movie. We all know what movie is code for haha.

His head game had me saying "CC WHO?!" I have never cum so hard, so fast. And he was lovin it. We did it 4 times in the span of like 12 hours. Just phenomenal. A triathlete investor sexy smart yum yum yum! Looks like John Slattery but hotter :)

Future ex-husband potential FOR SURE!

This weekend I have two big dates planned. One with ex-wall street major player, the other with a sexy sexy sexy tall tennis pro. Maybe even one more with a big finance guy :) We'll see. I'm so excited.

the world is way too good to me...

17. [the hangover]

Oh Buckeye...


Buckeye and I only got to spend one night together this weekend. He had to get home to his daughter. It was a wonderful night. We cuddled, mostly, had brief sex (I just get him too damn excited), and went to church together the next morning. It felt like we were married. We haven't talked much since then. Damn him and his emotional issues! I'm just gonna give him space and time. He'll come around. He always does. Haha.

The bf wants to marry me. Like soon. Soon soon. As in by the end of the week. I CAN'T COMMIT TO THIS! He's joining the military as a doctor and wants us to be settled before he leaves. Umm...no?
 

CC pitched a fit this weekend. He's flipping out because I have emotions. Sorry I cried after my first ever car crash? He also pulled this "I wish you could legally drink" card. WHATEVER. You knew my age from the get-go. It didn't matter that I was 20 when you had me bent over at the Aria in Vegas, did it? My age was the last thing on your mind I'm sure when you had my pussy throbbing on your tongue...I've no time for games and I am not going to beg.
 We had fun but you are replaceable. 

A pot is flying me to Texas next weekend...so excited! A handsome Dr, not unlike my bf, but waaaay generou$$$$. Young, handsome, UBER successful...
The bf makes between 500k to 750k a year. This Dr makes between 1.5 and 3 mil a year, and invests, owns his own clinic, and is active in commercial real estate. Hold me.

I'm also going to a Ferrari event this weekend!  A friend asked me to be his +1...can't wait to freestyle again. Tips and tricks needed, ladies! :)

16. [cavities]

Azucars, I have had simultaneously the best and worst luck ever.

Bad luck:

I got in a car accident. Totally my fault. Well actually, totally CC's fault since the heels he bought me broke while I was driving and kept me from hitting the brakes! I told him and he told me to tell him I was joking. He asked how I was and I haven't heard from him since Tuesday...a bit miffed at that. More than a bit, actually. I think he thought I was going to ask him for money. So not the case. He's the gift daddy :) The bf is paying for all repairs - nearly 10 grand between two cars! Ah. So lucky.

Lawyerman never got back to me :(

Buckeye is leaving next week.

Mr. Boots poofed.


Good luck:

I've been hooking up with this GORGEOUS guy from AM and he's married, has a baby girl, is successful, yada yada yada, and he's started to kind of hint at spoiling me. It's purely sexual between us, even though he did have me hold his baby, which was hella weird for me, but if he's giving sugar, I won't refuse!

I found a new POT, an outrageously successful one. Verified by me and everything. He is looking for the executive assistant thing and is willing to pay for a car - all through the company, of course. Very excited. We'll meet up sometime next week and see how that all goes.

I also have a FORSURE POT in Texas. He's not the hottest, but he's funny and will give me 2k a month for seeing each other twice a month. We'll see how that goes.

Buckeye and I are headed off for the weekend to say our final goodbyes to one another. It's all so very bittersweet. Though I know we will be together someday, someday is not now, as much as I want it to be. We're going to spend the next few days cuddling and having an obscene amount of sex.

Hasta Luego, mis Azucaritas tan bonitas!


Sugar Senorita

15. [did it again]

Lawyerman asked for my phone number. I sent it to him. I still haven't received a call from him. I'll probably send a follow up email, or ask some random legal question to break the ice again. Maybe I can even ask him to proofread a story I've been writing...hmmm...


Buckeye and I reached a tentative peace in recent days. He openly admitted to commitment issues, et a deep and inexplicable attraction to me. I played the "too little, too late, moved on card" but SOMETHING about that man is like voodoo to me. I can't let him go! Ugh. Somewhere between silly texts and a picture or two, I ended up at his place, snuggling and laughing on the couch. I've never been as at ease with someone as much as I am around him. IT'S ANNOYING. My bf is an incredible man, but he has never stimulated me in the same way mentally and physically, even though he is "bigger" if you know what I mean. I adore my bf and he is the best man I have ever known, but he just doesn't do it for me the way Buckeye does. Even though sex with Buckeye lasts waaaaay less time than it does with bf (I have Buckeye cumming in 2 pumps, then another few minutes and he's done ;) ), and bf and I are closer in age, and bf treats me like GOLD, I feel like Buckeye will haunt the periphery of my mind, always.


We had sex twice last night. It's kind of funny, really. We had no sex while we were "dating", but now that I am official with someone (and neither knows about the other!), suddenly we consummate our relationship. What the fuck. There are too many men in my life for me to keep straight haha.


CC is spoiling the hell out of me for VDay. Work kept us from being able to see each other this week, but I am pretty sure I should be expecting some packages verrrrrrry soon...hopefully with the Loboutins I tried on and fell in love with.

CC is so easily manipulated. I love it. We shop, he raises an eyebrow at a total, I whisper in his ear about his heel fetish and how amazing whatever item would look on me in bed, he kisses me, and we go home and fuck. That man adores me and I adore him. Him and his perpetual cowboy boots. Haha :)

14. [you never know...]

Today I took the train to have dinner with a friend. They live a few hours away and I hate driving long distances. We hd plans for 4. I missed the first train and had to catch the second.

While I was on board (business class all the way!), there was a man seated a ways to my right. He was talking loudly on the phone. I could tell he was important, the things he talked about and the way he talked about them. I even recognized some of the names - big ones.

He would look over every now and again, mostly whenever I shifted. I decided to break the silence.

I complimented him on his cufflinks, and he gave me the website for them. He would continue to catch me eye and smile at me.

I asked if he was a lawyer. He said yes. I mean, he had to be. In a suit, some loafers, a pocket square, and a matching tie. No way he wasn't.

I told him of my own law school plans, and recent acceptance into a prominent one. He was impressed. We talked across the aisle, until he motioned for me to sit next to him. He asked me if I spoke Spanish. Tcha. He surprised me when he busted out with it! He was pretty fluent, and we continued our convo.

He told me about some big plans he had, some huge MILLION DOLLAR CASES and his plans for a new Mercedes Benz. This was a man of means, you could tell. He asked me about what I do. I told him I am a biologist and a writer. He asked me what I wrote about. I responded with my usual "society, philosophy, religion" shtick. He asked me if I wrote about sex. I clammed up a bit. I can be bashful sometimes! Haha. He then continued to ask if I had a boyfriend (technically yes), what my boyfriend did (eye surgeon/modelling), and what I do for work. I told him and he was so impressed.

He asked for my card (I didn't have one on me) so I gave him my info. He told me how pretty and smart and sharp I was, and how he expected great things from me...and how I was so gorgeous and he hoped my boyfriend told me everyday.

What do you guys think? I mean, he was clearly hitting on me...should I see what I can get out of it?

At the very least, I would have an AMAZING mentor in my field. I googled him. HOLY SHIT. He is a badass above badass. It was amazing. Intellect gets me wet and if I had know what I was dealing with, I would have gotten naked on the train, for real, but what do you babes think? Too risky? Go for it? I DON'T KNOWWWW hahaha.

also, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! <3

xoxo, Azucars!

10. [next to you]

I think the prospect of me possibly moving on and leaving permanently scared Uncle's Friend (now to be known as Buckeye) straight. He has completely pulled a 180 and is now making plans to come over tomorrow :) I think a relationship is pretty much imminent at this point.

CC and I are seeing each other Tuesday <3 I'm so excited. He always spoils me.

I met with a Pot yesterday and he was hella feeling me, but I wasn't feeling him. He's clingy and needy and I think he needs an actual gf to deal with that. Not this girl. Haha. Also looks nothing llike his pics. Go figure.

I have a few more possible guys, but we'll see how it goes. One is a software engineer (hot), one is in investing (hottest), another is in finance (hot). It's not the finding of SDs that is hard for me. I just can't fake affection. It would be so much easier if I could just dissociate, but I just can't. I think I'll blame Buckeye for that one ;)

9. [alone with you]

Still no sugar for me, but I have plenty of stuff lined up for me.

I've just been so hung up on this guy. He drives me crazy. He's been there for me through so much stuff, just utter shit, and we've had feelings for each other since the moment we met. He kept me from falling apart on so many different occasions. Its more complicated than anything I ever experienced in the sugar world. We care about each other an insane amount. I've never slept so good as I do when I sleep in his arms. We've fooled around a few times, had sex only once (and he came in 6 pumps, yes ladies, I have the golden ticket hahaha), but I don't think we could ever be together. It just...

He knows things about me that literally no one else in the world does, and he doesn't judge me for it. He is always texting to cheer me up, or letting me know he's thinking of me, or reminding me how gorgeous I am. I want for it so badly to work, but I know it's the wrong decision to make. Or at least, I'm realizing it at 1am while listening to a country song that perfectly describes our situation.

He's my uncles friend. He has a kid (who is adorable and adores me, can I add) and is divorced and just everything I look for, but it just will never work. It just can't. Neither one of us want a relationship. He is always making and cancelling dates. I think we're both scared of falling for each other when he is moving to the opposite coast soon and when my uncle would clearly not approve of our relationship.

The other day we got in an argument. We were supposed to meet up downtown, but he was vague about dorections and wouldn't answer my calls. I told him to delete my pictures and my number. He talked me down from that ledge, thanks in large part to my admittance that I was overreacting. I was so frustrated. I told him that he either makes time for me or I walk. He told me not to be like that, that I know he cares about me. Then he got concerned that we were sounding like a couple. We really were. I got scared so I blamed him for it. I don't know what we're doing. I just can't be alone with him.








I don't see you laugh
You don't call me back
But you kiss me when you're drunk

I don't know your friends
Don't know where you've been
Why are you the one I want?

Don't put your lips up to my mouth and tell me you can't stay
Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it's okay
Don't say it doesn't matter cuz it's gonna matter to me
I can't be alone with...
You've got me out on the edge every time I call
And I know it would kill me if I fall


I can't be alone with you.