22. [called it!]

I have always had this innate ability to manipulate men. Even when I was younger, considerably less attractive, heavier, and so embarrassingly awkward, I was still pulling guys waaaay above my station. They were rich, or hot, or well-connected, or all three. I think even then, before I committed to sugar dating, I had already established my standards. I created a sort of enigma about myself...who is this girl and why is she only dating this type of guy and why is she so special and would she try me out?

 

It was sugar economics. I kept my supply limited, so I was in high demand.


I also was usually the one to end things. I would get bored, or lose interest, or his true colors would come out and I'd decide it's time to leave. I would be amicable enough, but I would always leave a small trace of cruelty - a hint of "it's-not-me-it's-you" to the parting, and always, always, ALWAYS did these big, puffed-up, prideful men come running back.

Guess who is no exception to the rule?

When CC and I had our falling out, I told him not to contact me, that he knew what I was looking for, how old I was, and questioned his willingness and ability to please (along with his reading comprehension). I thanked him for everything, and also told him that for someone who wanted to take so many risks, he was sure playing it so insanely safe that had we continued, I probably would have been bored anyway, and that maybe he is too old for adventure.

 

Now, let me just say, playing bad cop is a tricky game to master. I have fucked up a lot along the way, and I do not recommend it for the faint of heart or to those who are desperate. I personally view men as superfluous and expendable objects. They're like the hydra. Chop one head off and two new ones pop up in its place. I am ruled by logic and lust - the meeting of numbers and sex. I am definitely not gonna cry if I cut one guy off and he never comes back. That's the risk you run when you play with cruelty. Either you scare them off or get them addicted.

I live by this quote from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet (which is actually a shitty play and probably his worst work...but the quote is nice):

 

I think I wounded CC a bit. Well, a lot more than a bit. I think I majorly shook him up. He wants to know that he's still got "it", that he isn't easily replaceable, that he could still drive a younger woman crazy. He's seeking validation. I am never quick to give that.

Men pursue us because they have a lack, a void. They have an innate NEED that is not being met. I'm not saying starve them to death, but take your time. Fill them up slowly. By the time you have them near the brim, you have already sunk your claws so deep that you become synonymous with the cure for what ails them. They need YOU, not the other way around.

CC called me yesterday, apologized for his bad behavior, and asked if he could take me to Vegas for my birthday. He also sent me some lovely apology gifts, and I miss his head bobbing between my legs, so I think I will give him another shot. He now knows what caliber of woman he is dealing with. I have set a precedent with my expectations and what I will put up with now. I am not going to beg or grovel or exist solely to appease someone. My needs come first. Meet my expectations and I will meet your needs - if you're worthy.

On another note, I am going on a date with a MAJOR POT tonight. SEND ME GOOD VIBES AND GOOD LUCK. 

I didn't have a chance to meet with one of my other ones last week, but the one I did meet with sent me home with a nice spoonful of sugar and a potential business deal. 

I love my life.