21. [meh]

Finance guy was a bust. Boring. Dull. Dry. Eh.

The other guy I went on a date with was also pretty meh. He was super into me but I was just not feelin it. At all. I'm also pretty sure he exaggerated his means. This is an epidemic. I call it the

                                                BLAIR WITCH DADDY!

On the surface, everything seems legit. It sounds true. There are no obvious reasons to distrust, question, doubt. You go into it thinking "This is going to be great!"
WRONG. AGAIN. WRONG.

I look at everything. It's like looking at a diamond under a microscope. From far away, it may seem shiny and bright, but under that magnification, you can see all the nicks and blemishes and discolorations and suddenly, that diamond is not looking so perfect after all.

Examples:
What kind of car does a man drive? That says a lot. Make and model and year? Mileage? Lease or own?
What brand of clothes? Are his shoes worn or well-maintained?
Is he well-groomed? Where does he get his hair cut? What is his daily routine when it comes to maintenance? Favorite products? Oral hygiene?
What kind of phone does he have?
What area does he live in? Rent or own?
What places does he like to go to? Favorite restaurants? Hotspots?
Always google. ALWAYS. Names, emails, companies...verification is the name of the game!
 

As a sugar baby, I feel it is my duty to be nosy. I'm supposed to financially pry into these men. I have to make sure they can give me what they say they can. Both parties have standards. If I meet yours yet you don't meet mine, well...it was nice knowing you. Deuces!

That's exactly what happened to homeboy. He was nice enough, but nice enough doesn't do it for me. Sorry that I'm not sorry, bye!

edit

Mr. Slattery lookalike is spending the night tomorrow while bf is at some convention in nasty Texas. I'm so excited! I'm such a sucker for lust.

Also, Monday I have a date with my BIGGEST pot to date. This guy is in everything. Finance, real estate, media, design...I better pull this one! Wish me luck :)

19. [a treatise on sugar daddies]

Sugar dating is like regular dating, minus the bullshit.

We date because we want something from someone. We want someone to meet our needs, whether financial or emotional or social etc;
You are attracted to someone because they have something you don't. I am attracted to established men with wealth, because I am not at that point in my life yet.

I've met with a few men in the past week. One just could not realize that I was not in this to be his real girlfriend. Um, my profile clearly states...whatever.

He had his black amex, too. He cancelled my flight, didn't give me any sugar, and put me up in a hotel. And why? I wouldn't put out.

We have an arrangement. You and I have something worked out. I want your money. You want company from a gorgeous girl who would otherwise pass you right by without so much as a sencond glance if not for the thickness of your wallet. It's EASY and EASIER to figure out.

You don't hold up your end of the bargain and guess what? I don't hold up mine.

I don't understand what is so hard to understand, and to be honest, I don't really care. I find it DISGUSTING to potentially strand a poor girl in a place she's never been because you didn't get your way - because YOU DIDN'T MEET YOUR END OF THE DEAL.

He's lucky it was me, honestly. Most girls sugar dating don't have the means to take care of a situation like this...imagine if it would have been a sugar sister on her first trip...my heart breaks because I am sure there were many girls who found themselves in just this situation with no way out.

He needs to be punched in the face and removed from the sugar bowl...like yesterday.

I'm not trying to fuck you because I care about you or have feelings for you or want to marry you. I'm trying to fuck you because of the lifestyle you have and the lifestyle you could potentially provide for me. I could give a fuck about your boring stories or your lectures or your childhood problems. Sucks that your dad's dead, whatever, but that doesn't make it okay for you to treat me or anyone else like crap, or make me emotionally obligated to you. I could give a fuck about the motivations behind your success or the issues or the implications. I am here for one thing and one thing only: to reap the benefits.

If I am not reaping, you are not sowing. Simple as that. I'm not your fucking therapist. Take your problems to someone who cares.

Also, you're not hot. At all. Lumpy face and fat...total misrepresentation of yourself. You don't have the luxury of being an asshole.

And I'm beyond glad I always save 1/2 of my sugar...


PS - starting to think the Black Amex is the kiss of death for sugar...hmmm...

2. [The Accidental Sugar Baby and How She Got Burned]

My first foray into the world of sugar was a complete travesty, to say the very least.

I had responded to an ad seeking a sugar baby on CL. I have to admit, it wasn't the sugar that initially lured me in - it was the intellectual attraction that I held to this professional, who, as I later learned was nothing but a character played by a con man.

In this ad, the man described himself as a professional, educated, son of a diplomat, who had just signed a 6-figure book deal in photojournalism. There are red flags all over that description, I now realize, but dumb and naive little me was so interested in the prospect of being (and finding!) an intellectual muse that I suppose I glossed over that entirely.

There were red flags all over our initial meeting.

He set up a stipend - but alas, he banks internationally, so he has to call his barrister to set it up. He asked me to set up another account, put some money it, and he would deposit 7k. I did, but he didn't.

I was 18 at this point, living out on my own for the first time, with no help from home. Safe to say I was under financial duress, and maybe because of it, I looked the other way on several fishy things.

1) He showed up to our first meeting in a cab. Not inherently weird, but no one takes cabs in Southern California.

2) He didn't have a permanent residence out here, always saying he was "visiting" and staying on friends' sailboats or tenements.

3) He talked about all the things he had, yet was very stingy, and displayed no real signs of wealth.

4) He never rented a hotel room or ate at a more upscale restaurant.

5) He asked and expected me to drive him home (hours away!) with not even as much as gas money.

After promise after promise with this man, and the constant empty hands, I finally went off on him. He promised (surprise) that he would be sending me a Mac laptop for school with all the amenities. I gave him my mailing address (not my home one). It never came, and he disappeared.

I, babies, was a sucker, but it taught me a lot. Some advice:

1. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Again, for emphasis. IF IT SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS.

2. While you can't make someone keep their promise, you can limit your time wasted on them. Cut your losses sooner, rather than later. Trust me, you'll find another, even better daddy just around the corner ;)

3. If you don't feel comfortable doing something, say it. If a daddy truly cares for you, he will understand. This does NOT mean act like an entitled diva and be completely close-minded, but if you are really not okay with doing something/going somewhere, vocalize it and explain why.

4. Look for signs. Note cars, clothes, tips they leave, where they eat, etc; This is generally indicative of the kind of means a person possesses.

5. Ask a lot of questions, but make sure you hear details in the answers. Get timelines. Ask a background. Google names, email addresses, whatever you have been given. Verification is the name of the game.

Don't get suckered by some creepy old man trying to take advantage of a young and beautiful girl such as yourself. Empty promises (and wallets!) are just that - empty. If you keep hearing words but see no action, it is time to move on. Don't hold on to a pipe dream.




“Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.”
 - Theodore Roosevelt